Hey Dolls!Just when you think everything totally sucks, something fabulous happens. Seriously, I was so snarly tonight that I didn't even want to go to the club to do my show. Tuesday night's show was a big one and I've been positively exhausted ever since. Silverado Mobile Home Park booked the room for their company Christmas party that night so we performed a special show, Trailer Park Christmas. It was a great success, but left me feeling like an absolute corpse. And though that was two days ago, all I could think of as we drove to the club tonight was -- I can't wait until it's over so I can have the weekend off. Then things changed.The first thing that happened was Frank, a show promoter, came walking in with a handful of copies of Today In Las Vegas Magazine and said to me, "Page forty-nine." When I looked on page 49, there was an awesome review of our show -- not to mention a photo that made me look like a drag queen. Still, the whole thing had me feeling perky in no time. It said, in part:"... On Tuesday through Thursday, it's "The Billy Dare Show," a
tongue-in cheek, original musical revue featuring the no-holds-barred wit and
versatile vocal stylings of Ms. Dare and her back-up duo, The
Pumps (Todd Johnston on guitar and Michael Branch on
bass). Colorful and wacky, they've already captivated the east coast, and
have found their way to the Take 1 Nightclub in Las Vegas to continue their
escapades in the west. Theirs is an uninhibited act, and we especially
enjoyed the hillbilly portion of their show, not to mention "Patsy
Clinestein..."
The next divine event was when Joel, a dear friend of mine from Nashua, NH walked through the doors. I haven't seen him in two years, so I was like, "Oh this is sooooo fabulous!" And just to add to my giddiness, he'll be staying in Las Vegas until Tuesday so we'll get to spend Christmas together!So dolls, even sucky situations can turn around in a heartbeat!Have a marvelous holiday!
Good Morning Sweet Peas!
It’s positively bizarre darlings. It seems everybody at the club where I perform seems disgruntled that I don’t have a day job… as if there’s some rule that in order to be in the entertainment business one must sling hash by day for the privilege to play at night. The truth is, I do work every single day. I write songs, work on the show, make costumes, promote the act, deal with the web site and so on. And it was during some of this internet work yesterday that I came upon a delightful surprise!I was doing a search on Google to see if my web promotion efforts were paying off – they weren’t – when I came across a link that said something to the effect of: Billy Dare & The Pumps/John Deere. For those of you who don’t already know, John Deere is a song that Todd and I wrote about 5 years ago after coming across a bolt of fabric in a local Wal-Mart. The cloth had a yellow background with green John Deere logos and tractors on it. It was so hideous, I absolutely had to have it. Well, the fabric led to a dress and the dress led to a song and the song led to the character, Starlene and eventually it blossomed into the entire hillbilly segment of our show. Ah, doll babies, but I drift yet again.So anyway, I come across this link and click it. Up pops a video of Angelica DeVil, a female impersonator out of Nashville, performing to the tracks of John Deere from our Beauty Is Pain CD. It positively made my day and brought back a flood of memories! Several years ago, when we were on tour, we played a club in Nashville called The Nut House. That’s where I met Angelica DeVil – a positively delightful individual. It was a small house, maybe 20 people, but Angelica made sure everybody got involved. I always appreciated that and never forgot Angelica because of it. So not only was a surprised and flattered that somebody liked one of my songs enough to use it in their own show, but that the person doing it was such a doll.
If you want to check it out for yourself, you can go to: http://www.angelicadevil.com/johndeer.wmvAnd now, babies, it’s nearly noon here in Las Vegas, so I probably should get fancied up and get to the costume shop. We have a big show coming up Tuesday night… the staff and employees of a local trailer park is having their Christmas Party at the club, so we’re doing our hillbilly, Trailer Park Christmas show for them. Therefore my mission is to locate a mullet wig for Todd, a red union suit for Mikey and pick up some lining material so I can make myself a dress out of a burlap Blue Seal Feed Bag. So who says I don't work?Kisses for Days!
Daaaaaaaaarlings!While Las Vegas might boast about being a town that never sleeps, that's only true 11-1/2 months a year. As Christmas approaches, this place is Deadsville, babies. Unlike just about every other sleepy place in the country where the late-December holiday hustle and bustle brings parties and galas galore, Las Vegas nods off. Sure, the casinos and clubs and all else that make Vegas what it is are open, but there's one thing missing... the tourists. And without the tourists to fill the showrooms, nightclubs and seats at the gaming tables, the holiday season in Las Vegas is positively lackluster!Now being an act that is totally dependent on the tourist trade -- much because locals just can't afford a $34.95 ticket on a regular basis -- this pre-Christmas lull is killing us. I don't know what's worse -- playing for 4 people in the house, or not playing at all. I think I'd rather not play! But there's only two weeks left and then all should return to normal. Meanwhile, we're all hanging around the bar, shooting pool and watching Brokeback Mountain for the bezillionth time. Of course, watching Jake Gyllenhaal isn't all that difficult...Oh woe, precious ones, but I'm desperately bored these days -- and boredom leads to eating and eating leads to tight costumes... horrors!Christmas can't come and go soon enough!
Bonjour Swanksters!Back when I first started performing on the gay club circuit, George Metoulis of the Front Runner in Manchester, NH gave me a piece of advice. It was, "Don't take any shit from a queer." Although it was a gay club, I don't think George used the word queer to indicate a person's sexuality, but rather one's disposition. Clearly what George meant was, "Don't take any shit from anybody. "With that said, let's move now to Friday night, December 8th, at the Take 1 Nightclub in downtown Las Vegas. For those of you who don't already know, my band, Billy Dare & The Pumps is doing a dinner show there billed as, The Fabulous Miss Billy Dare Show. As it happened, Friday night was a special event -- a press and industry party featuring a complimentary buffet followed by performances by the dinner show acts -- The Fabulous Miss Billy Dare Show (which plays Tues-Thurs) and Bobby Ruffin's Tribute to The Drifters (which plays Fri-Sun). Talk about a mismatched bill!In addition to press and industry, the public was also allowed in -- people who came to see us and people who came to see them. We started getting nervous, shortly after the first patron arrived. Todd, the guitarist, went out to the bar to bring drinks back to the dressing room. Along with the drinks, he returned with the comment, "I've never seen so many toupees in one place!" This was definitely not our usual following. Moments later Kathy, a friend of the band, came into the dressing room and said, "There are three young, beautiful boys at the bar." Now this was our usual following. As far as I could tell, there was not one common thread among our respective draws. To The Drifter's following, we might as well have been The Sex Pistols. To our following, The Drifter's might as well have been... well, The Drifters. It was bizarre!Now dolls, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying anything about the quality of either act. My point is that while diversity should be embraced in life, it's not necessarily a good thing on a show bill. For example, with the first strum of Todd's guitar, a woman in a bouffant and a pained expression put her fingers in her ears. She was clearly there to see The Drifters. Meanwhile, when one of The Drifters asked something to the effect of, Where were you when you first heard this song?, the sarcastic comment heard was, "I wasn't even in the sperm sack yet." So naturally, daaaaarlings, you can imagine everybody was a bit on edge!Alas, I drift... the point of my little tell-all was to point out that I did listen to George Metouis way back when and did follow his advice... right there on the showroom floor, dressed as my hillbilly character, Starlene, and among a full house of press, industry and dinner guests! While it would be very unprofessional of me to mention with whom I was involved during our mid-show altracation (not that it was all that professional of me to take the totally unprofessional bait offered in the first place), I will say it was an older man in the entertainment management business.According to the deal, we were supposed to do an hour show and the The Drifters were supposed to go on and do their show. Our press came in, took their photos, etc., and some where heading out to file their stories... or probably just go home since nobody truly wants to be on assignment on a Friday night! Anyway, we were 15 minutes into the show and had just finished the hillbilly segment when I was heading across the showroom floor for a costume change. Suddenly this old guy comes at me demanding we cut our set short because... well, it had to do with our press and the other act's press. I must tell you now that this man was not in The Drifters and, while we're at it, state the act itself is a very talented, awesome group of guys. Anyway, I said I'd do two more songs and cut it short. Well, he started yelling, "I said, 'ONE MORE,' lady." Ooops! Big Mistake!Words and phrases sprung from my lips with wild abandon... tired old queen, fossil, geezer, older than Moses... and then the more common words like, "Fuck off," and, "Get out of my face." Of course, I was in the middle of a costume change and, as much as I would have liked to stay and chat with this dude, I had to change into my costume for my closing numbers.Back on stage I thank the audience and tell them, "We have two more songs." And who should appear, totally livid, but you know who. This time he comes right up to the stage and yells, "I said ONE more." So now I'm thinking that I could club him in the head with the base of my mic stand (a little trick I learned one night in Atlantic City that enabled me to take down belligerant drunk who was getting too close for comfort), but then I realized there's a 5 year mandatory jail sentance for hitting a senior citizen... and I wasn't doing time for this Bozo. So we did our two songs, said, "Thank you and goodnight," changed up and went to the bar.When patrons and press came up to me afterward, their comments were not only on the show, but also on the showroom floor debacle. They were saying things like, "You have a lot of guts," and, "That guy's an asshole." So there you have it. For years I carried around a piece of advice that was given to me on the very night I debuted on the gay circuit and finally had to use it... Don't take shit from ANYBODY!PS -- I guess I should mention that the old guy and I sort of made up at the end of the night, but as far as I'm concerned, he can forget about being included in our swanky society.
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by Miss Billy Dare
12/11/06
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