Daaaaarling Ones,
I positively must share this story with you! While things like this always happen to me, they never happen to Mikey Pump. Anyway, baby-dolls, Todd and I came strolling in at about 2am this morning to find Mikey had undergone a most horrifying experience while we were out.
Suffering from a sinus headache for the past several days, this afternoon Mikey purchased a Vicks Inhaler hoping it would bring him some relief – and it did – until the awful event. As it happened, while using the inhaler for the last (and most definitely final) time, the heavy plastic tube somehow became tangled in his nose ring. According to Mikey, he spent an hour and a half walking around the house with the inhaler dangling from his nostril until he finally managed to cut it out. Sadly, I missed it!
Alas, precious ones, if you wear a nose ring, be selective about what you insert into your nose!
Stay Fabulous!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Limp and Lifeless...
Daaaaaaarling Ones,
I so desperately wish I had something positively titillating to report, but the wicked truth is I’ve been going through a morbidly boring spell. I swear the basis of my dilemma rests in my shampoo. I mean, honestly, how can life be exciting when your hair is as limp and lifeless as a lousy lover? I keep switching brands, but to no avail. And even if I did find the perfect shampoo – a miracle in a bottle – I am sooooo not into entering my bathroom these days as it has been invaded by… kittens... two biting, snarling, scratching little kittens.
My dilemma began several days ago when Todd called to ask if I wouldn’t mind watching two kittens that some imbecile had trapped and then abandoned without food or water. He said it would only be for a couple hours. I told him to bring them home -- that it wouldn’t be a problem. But when he brought them home, there was most definitely a problem. The reason they were only going to be with me for a couple hours was because Animal Control was on its way. Now dear hearts, as much as I didn’t need another cat (let alone two), I most certainly was not going to detain them for their date with death. Oh no… not on my watch!
So now they are living in the hamper in my bathroom, waiting in bay for somebody to enter so they can execute their attack. Although they are only about 6 weeks old and incredibly adorable (twin males, white with blue eyes, orange ears and tails), they’re a little high strung. I have found, however, that if you approach them with food their demeanor greatly improves. So now, every time I have to go into the bathroom, I bring them a plate – so they’re becoming kind of chubby. Alas, unless I can find some loving soul willing to take two kittens (they are very dependent on each other), it looks like Proctor and Gamble are here to stay.
Now for those of you wondering why I’m keeping them in the bathroom (which is probably nobody), it’s because I already have cats – tons of cats – who positively hate the kittens. You see, dolls, my cats aren’t normal cats. They’re rescue cats, each with one peculiarity or another. Winky has one eye, Hop can only walk on three legs, Big Crab doesn’t play well with others, Chip suffers from social anxiety disorder, Peachy pulled out all her hair, Jonesy spends his days pondering what to kill next… and there are others.
So until Proctor and Gamble are big enough to defend themselves against the menagerie of misfits, they’ll rule my bathroom and I’ll have limp and lifeless hair!
Stay Fabulous!
I so desperately wish I had something positively titillating to report, but the wicked truth is I’ve been going through a morbidly boring spell. I swear the basis of my dilemma rests in my shampoo. I mean, honestly, how can life be exciting when your hair is as limp and lifeless as a lousy lover? I keep switching brands, but to no avail. And even if I did find the perfect shampoo – a miracle in a bottle – I am sooooo not into entering my bathroom these days as it has been invaded by… kittens... two biting, snarling, scratching little kittens.
My dilemma began several days ago when Todd called to ask if I wouldn’t mind watching two kittens that some imbecile had trapped and then abandoned without food or water. He said it would only be for a couple hours. I told him to bring them home -- that it wouldn’t be a problem. But when he brought them home, there was most definitely a problem. The reason they were only going to be with me for a couple hours was because Animal Control was on its way. Now dear hearts, as much as I didn’t need another cat (let alone two), I most certainly was not going to detain them for their date with death. Oh no… not on my watch!
So now they are living in the hamper in my bathroom, waiting in bay for somebody to enter so they can execute their attack. Although they are only about 6 weeks old and incredibly adorable (twin males, white with blue eyes, orange ears and tails), they’re a little high strung. I have found, however, that if you approach them with food their demeanor greatly improves. So now, every time I have to go into the bathroom, I bring them a plate – so they’re becoming kind of chubby. Alas, unless I can find some loving soul willing to take two kittens (they are very dependent on each other), it looks like Proctor and Gamble are here to stay.
Now for those of you wondering why I’m keeping them in the bathroom (which is probably nobody), it’s because I already have cats – tons of cats – who positively hate the kittens. You see, dolls, my cats aren’t normal cats. They’re rescue cats, each with one peculiarity or another. Winky has one eye, Hop can only walk on three legs, Big Crab doesn’t play well with others, Chip suffers from social anxiety disorder, Peachy pulled out all her hair, Jonesy spends his days pondering what to kill next… and there are others.
So until Proctor and Gamble are big enough to defend themselves against the menagerie of misfits, they’ll rule my bathroom and I’ll have limp and lifeless hair!
Stay Fabulous!
Friday, May 4, 2007
Who'd A Thunk It, Daaaaaaaaaarlings!
Who’d a thunk it, daaaaaaaaarlings! Just today I received the following email from Michaelangelo… and to think I thought he was dead!
Remember, tonight at 3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery, 224 Imperial Ave., Las Vegas, NV – 7:30pm!
Until tonight, Stay Fabulous!
"i want you to divorce toddman, and run away with me to fabulous roma, italia.... i will buy the sistine chapel for you...... and and and and the leaning tower of ravioli,,,, we will travel to venice so you can see where i bertoline
michaelangelo orona was born.. and you will of course meet all of the family...
my uncle gilberto mussolini , his hot wife sophia lorenza de la bigchesta....
si, si , and all my other children from the 6 previous wifes that i have
had..but first we must murder your husband ...... we can put poison in the pizza ,,,,,, he likes pizza no.... yes i have a plan and two tickets to fabulous
roma..... come with me billy ,,,,,,,i will treat you like the princess that you
truley are.... and to further intice you , in roma, there is the largest kmart
in the entire world ,,,, it takes 4 weeks to see it all.....i will also buy you
rollerskates to make your shopping even more enjoyable..... i will have my bags packed tonite ,,,, after the show ...... buy the way i also love the art work at that gallery .... its so , so , revolutionary.... see you billy.... with 400
pounds of passion,signed michaelangelo ........... "
Remember, tonight at 3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery, 224 Imperial Ave., Las Vegas, NV – 7:30pm!
Until tonight, Stay Fabulous!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Waking Up Cranky...
Oh woe, dolls, but I’m positively cranky today. What with all the flippin’ no-shows at last night’s gig and the fact that Vons ran out of Tab (leaving me to drink that putrid Diet Coke), it’s a miracle I’m not scrounging around the bottom of my purse for a Valium. Yet all is not thaaaaaaaat horrible in Billyville. While it is true I woke up irritable, exhausted and frightened by my own reflection (I spaced removing my make-up before going to bed last night), I did receive a phone call that picked up my droopy spirits a bit.
Last week I met this awesome drummer named Geno at (now I know this is going to sound absolutely absurd) a Harley Davidson Convention in Kingman, AZ. Oh, now stop gasping in horror, dolls, and give me a chance to explain! You see, there is this band called Hack & The 57’s who had a gig there, but needed a fill in bass player for the day. Well, Mikey picked up the gig and since I had nothing fabulous to do, decided to keep him company on the two hour drive from Las Vegas. Anyway, Geno was also filling in for the band and between sets we talked about my show and how I desperately need a drummer and blah, blah, blah.
Alas today, in my weepy-oh-woe-is-me frenzy, I get an insane message on my answering machine about… viscous fishes.?!? Lo and behold, sweet-peas, it was Geno. He heard about last nights show from Hack (who was there, unlike some of you nasty little thangs who promised) and, to make a long story short, we’ll be getting together to see if I can’t free my career from this sequencer bondage that has been clearly plaguing us to death!
Meanwhile, we’re getting ready to do it all over again at 3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery on Friday night. Wonderful things should be happening next door at Snick’s Place since it’s the first night of Gay Pride and, for that matter, all through the Las Vegas Arts District that night since it’s also First Friday. Hope to see you all there!
Stay Fabulous!
Last week I met this awesome drummer named Geno at (now I know this is going to sound absolutely absurd) a Harley Davidson Convention in Kingman, AZ. Oh, now stop gasping in horror, dolls, and give me a chance to explain! You see, there is this band called Hack & The 57’s who had a gig there, but needed a fill in bass player for the day. Well, Mikey picked up the gig and since I had nothing fabulous to do, decided to keep him company on the two hour drive from Las Vegas. Anyway, Geno was also filling in for the band and between sets we talked about my show and how I desperately need a drummer and blah, blah, blah.
Alas today, in my weepy-oh-woe-is-me frenzy, I get an insane message on my answering machine about… viscous fishes.?!? Lo and behold, sweet-peas, it was Geno. He heard about last nights show from Hack (who was there, unlike some of you nasty little thangs who promised) and, to make a long story short, we’ll be getting together to see if I can’t free my career from this sequencer bondage that has been clearly plaguing us to death!
Meanwhile, we’re getting ready to do it all over again at 3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery on Friday night. Wonderful things should be happening next door at Snick’s Place since it’s the first night of Gay Pride and, for that matter, all through the Las Vegas Arts District that night since it’s also First Friday. Hope to see you all there!
Stay Fabulous!
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