Welcome Wagon From Hell

Daaaaaarlings!

Alas the warm weather has arrived here in Las Vegas -- a deceiving prelude to the blistering summer heat -- and I am looking 25 pounds thinner and feeling 25 pounds fatter in these new, unforgiving jeans. Whatever possessed me to buy a size small, I cannot say. Honestly, I feel like my ass is under attack by a boa constrictor. I keep thinking they'll stretch out a bit as I wear them, but thus far that is not the case. A better probability appears to be that the seams will just let go -- most likely somewhere in public, causing grown men to weep and children to be emotionally scarred for life. But alas, I am straying. As I was saying, the weather has warmed up and the pool is open, which leads to a whole new can of fat worms!

Now fat or thin (I go both ways), I have never been comfortable in a bathing suit. Like certain things that are best left unsaid, there are certain body parts that are better left unexposed. And even though the pool is surrounded by a stockade fence and I can swim in seemingly total privacy, there are the airplanes -- both commercial and Air Force -- that periodically fly overhead. Now granted, they are quite high, but if I can see them...! And let's be honest, dolls. Even from their high vantage point, I am sure they can tell the difference between a Semi and a Kia. So here are all these happy tourists flying into Las Vegas and the woe-begotten soul who gets the window seat looks down at me in the pool and shrieks, "Holy Shit! What's going on? I thought Las Vegas was filled with beautiful people. I saw it on the Travel Channel!"

To this I would have to say, "Honey... if there are so-called beautiful people in Las Vegas, they most assuredly came from someplace else." Finding a hottie in this town is comparable to finding somebody with a full set of teeth. There is an economy of both. Or maybe it's just my neighborhood that is a rife breeding ground for fat chicks with banana clipped perms, cut-off short shorts, too tight tees with Winnie the Pooh screens and knock-off Crocs. And their children -- they all have them, you know -- with their mullets and Nascar swag, are as dumb as stumps! It happens on a daily basis -- one just ambles in front of my car, dazed and drooling, forcing me to slam on the brakes. And still they meander along, oblivious to their near brush with death. Mikey Pump says it is because they can't hear the approaching vehicles over the foghorns -- disguised as thoughts -- that are constantly going off in their heads. Alas, it is certainly a far cry from what these unsuspecting tourists see on the Travel Channel! And as long as they do not venture off The Strip or get the window seat on the airplane, they can keep their mega-marketed Las Vegas illusion pristine.

Now sugar-babies, I just had an entertaining thought. What if some local Las Vegas bubba reads this, becomes offended and comes to my house to shoot me. They do sooooo love their guns, you know. And then I realize, they can't read!

I did have a point when I began, angel cakes, but now I've forgotten. I think, instead, I will go lounge in the pool for a bit and scare a few arriving tourists... sort of like the Welcome Wagon to Hell.

Stay Fabulous!

Miss Billy XOXOXOX

3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery... May 2nd

Daaaaarlings!

This is positively NOT the gig to miss since there will be so much going at at 3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery on May 2nd. As always there will be the phenomenal work of artists Ezequiel "Lee" Orona and Juan Ybarra on display, plus work by guest artist Catalino "Cat" Jaques and a new guest artist who will be showing there for the first time... oh woe, babies, I don't know his name! In addition to all that, 3rd Street Revolution is hosting a debut of the works by Las Vegas photographer, Diane Hamburger. You don't want to miss this emerging talent! Plus there will be musical performances by us, Billy Dare & The Pumps, as well as newcomers Robert & Rachael Stokes, an acoustic duo. So plan to be there:

3rd Street Revolution Art Gallery

224 Imperial Ave @ 3rd Street

Las Vegas, NV

Friday, May 2, 2008

7:30pm -- 10pm

We are not planning to do the show at this gig, but will be trying out a bunch of new songs instead. Still, I need a fabulous outfit to wear and have been going absolutely mad trying to find it. I've shopped from Dillard's to Wal-Mart and everywhere in between, but to no avail. I even considered sewing something, but haven't been able to find a to-die-for pattern. And so I am totally panic-stricken. Horrors! I have but days to find the dress, let alone the accessories, lingerie and shoes to go with it. Oh precious ones, I am positively consumed with terror that I won't find the most marvelous outfit and will end up wearing something... worn! I can't even bear to think about it. I'm sure Prada or Chanel has something. Clearly I need a bigger budget or a private seamstress.

Alas, cupcakes, I really must get shopping. Hope to see you at the gallery!

Stay Fabulous!

Miss Billy XOXOXO

The Question Is Where?

Hey Dolls... Exactly what was Mikey Pump looking? This pic came from the video Kathy shot of our song, "He's The Bomb," at the Aruba Club last Friday night.