Daaaarlings, I am deathly bored! Since I don’t pay my bills until I get shut off notices, I spent my entire day running around the city writing checks like Imelda Marcos at a shoe sale. Honestly, I need a secretary… and a maid, and a stylist… it just never ends! In 48 hours I’ve gone from giddy and gay to bored and frazzled. Oh woe!
During my bill-paying travels (driving the shit-box band van) I decided the time has come to upgrade my vehicular image a bit. I tried to buy this snappy little vintage number – a BMW convertible – but the owner is not selling. So then I saw this wonderful vintage Mercedes 450 SL in a parking lot and was all agog. Sadly that wasn’t for sale either. The guy I was with said if I could find an old Ford nearby he could use the dipstick to steal the car for me. Naturally I refused the offer, but found myself questioning the company I keep. He also told me how to turn fruit cocktail snack cups into booze – a popular trick he learned in prison. Alas, I’ve got all this newfound knowledge, but still no car.
In other news, I fear I’m becoming a Cyclops. In a frenzied quest for a divine, youthful complexion, I think I used a little toooooo much product on my face over the weekend and now have a rash-like blemish mid-forehead. Maybe I should just cut some bumper-bangs and go around like it’s the 1960’s… or maybe I should just stop buying (and using) every beauty enhancement product on the market. I’m not getting any more beautiful and I’m starting to feel like a laboratory test rat.
Well, doll-babies, I have nothing of monumental proportions to report today… other than my butt… which was exposed to a group of Mexican school kids when my skirt blew up over my head in the Wal-Mart parking lot on Nellis this afternoon. Clearly they will be scarred for life!
And with that, remember…
Stay Fabulous!
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