Limp and Lifeless...

Daaaaaaarling Ones,

I so desperately wish I had something positively titillating to report, but the wicked truth is I’ve been going through a morbidly boring spell. I swear the basis of my dilemma rests in my shampoo. I mean, honestly, how can life be exciting when your hair is as limp and lifeless as a lousy lover? I keep switching brands, but to no avail. And even if I did find the perfect shampoo – a miracle in a bottle – I am sooooo not into entering my bathroom these days as it has been invaded by… kittens... two biting, snarling, scratching little kittens.

My dilemma began several days ago when Todd called to ask if I wouldn’t mind watching two kittens that some imbecile had trapped and then abandoned without food or water. He said it would only be for a couple hours. I told him to bring them home -- that it wouldn’t be a problem. But when he brought them home, there was most definitely a problem. The reason they were only going to be with me for a couple hours was because Animal Control was on its way. Now dear hearts, as much as I didn’t need another cat (let alone two), I most certainly was not going to detain them for their date with death. Oh no… not on my watch!

So now they are living in the hamper in my bathroom, waiting in bay for somebody to enter so they can execute their attack. Although they are only about 6 weeks old and incredibly adorable (twin males, white with blue eyes, orange ears and tails), they’re a little high strung. I have found, however, that if you approach them with food their demeanor greatly improves. So now, every time I have to go into the bathroom, I bring them a plate – so they’re becoming kind of chubby. Alas, unless I can find some loving soul willing to take two kittens (they are very dependent on each other), it looks like Proctor and Gamble are here to stay.

Now for those of you wondering why I’m keeping them in the bathroom (which is probably nobody), it’s because I already have cats – tons of cats – who positively hate the kittens. You see, dolls, my cats aren’t normal cats. They’re rescue cats, each with one peculiarity or another. Winky has one eye, Hop can only walk on three legs, Big Crab doesn’t play well with others, Chip suffers from social anxiety disorder, Peachy pulled out all her hair, Jonesy spends his days pondering what to kill next… and there are others.

So until Proctor and Gamble are big enough to defend themselves against the menagerie of misfits, they’ll rule my bathroom and I’ll have limp and lifeless hair!

Stay Fabulous!